The Geek's Meow

Doot doot doo… these new headphones are nice.  HyperX Cloud2.

Hey, what’s this button in the middle of the controller for?

WHOA… SURROUND SOUND!

(I have been enjoying sound a lot over my break because of these, heh.)

So 2016 has taken some notable music talent.  If there is a great beyond, they are preparing for one hell of a concert – including the last minute addition of George Michael from Wham today.

But what about back up singers?

Oh, they have that covered, too: http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/12/25/506878506/russian-military-plane-with-at-least-91-aboard-crashes-in-black-sea

What may be a large part of the Red Army Choir from Russia were apparently killed in a plane crash.  Because you know, you can have a show without the back ups, right?

So this past week I had my IVC filter removed… you may remember a post (Animate Object) from a while back where I talked about the switch the medical team made from personal connections to a surgical clean crispness of their approach to me.

I fully expected the same this time, and my world was rocked!  As the sheet goes over me I expect this sharp tone change, and instead get asked if I have any kids?  We talk about my cat, my spouse, and what they’re going to do.  Even as they start working their conversation with me and each other stays loose, relaxing, humanizing.

There were multiple complications, and I wasn’t conscious for the whole procedure, but I was awake most of the time.  I legitimately got to hear a doctor say “Shit, almost had it!” as they try to get the filter, and I don’t think I could have been happier!  I mean, not about the complications, of course – but about the depth of personality they continued to show, they didn’t put on a metaphorical mask when they put on the literal ones.

Strangely it made the difficult parts of the procedure easier to endure, these were humans doing their limited best to make me better.  I’m honestly a little weepy about how hard they worked… the procedure should have been a little over an hour and instead took three.  I’m sure they weren’t happy about it, but in the end they were successful, and I really felt like it was a victory.

I still don’t begrudge the first team, they did what they had to do to be successful, and I appreciate that.  But Dr. Ho’s team was downright awesome in my book.

My posting has been sporadic.  For that you have my apologies.

Saturday we lost a friend and coworker, just as I was facing down some medical appointments of my own.  He’d had medical issues that seemed in check, so this came as a very unpleasant surprise.

It might sound strange, but I’m just not quite at a point where I think I can discuss this with this blog… I may never be, that’s life.

My own medical prognosis is generally in the positive direction with some stumbles along the way.  Yesterday I had a surgery, so today I did the bravest thing of all and decided to take a day off work to recover.  Yes, you may all gasp now.

Merry Christmas!  Happy Hanukkah! Blessed Yule!  Joyous Noel!  Are we having Ramadan around December again this year?  Can’t forget Kwanzaa. Hey, it’s almost New Years! And so on, so forth, etc.

You might be able to tell… I’m not really religious.  I enjoy the winter holiday season, but not for reasons of faith.  My beliefs are eclectic and my own, I just go with the social flow this time of year.  But I am very aware of how many groups have celebrations (including just the non-denominational turning of the year) so I generally default to “Happy Holidays!” as my personal mantra.  I never take offense if someone wishes me a specific holiday greeting, I enjoy the fact that they went to the trouble to wish me well.

Last year I went to the post office to pick up a delivery, and stood in the long December line of doom for a postal worker.  I’m patient with the mayhem, so this all goes fairly well as I get up to the counter.  Present safely secured, and while I’m there I pick up some stamps, the only ones they have are religious stamps but I don’t care, they get the mail to it’s destination.  The guy behind the counter has been pleasant and cheerful, so as we wrap up our interaction he wishes me a “Merry Christmas,” which makes me smile and offer him a “Happy holidays!”

I’m not rejecting his Christmas, I just want to extend the spirit of the season as far as it can go, including New Years.  He takes it with the joy it is intended and smiles back as I turn away from the window.  The middle aged white men in line behind me, however, are visibly disturbed.  There are two of them, they do not appear to have been in line together, just coincidentally next to each other, but they are clearly sharing the same sense that I have just committed a major violation of some holiday rule.  The first one squints and spits out the most nasty “Merry CHRISTMAS,” I have ever heard.  Second guy follows right on his heels with “Yeah, it’s Merry Christmas,” in a voice dripping with condescension.

Whoo boy!  What a way to spread the good feelings of the holidays, fellas!  I mean, I took the high road and just smiled at them as I walked away, but it really left me feeling a bit sour.  I can still hear their voices, nearly a year later, taking a greeting of peace and season and turning it into a weapon of words.  I got home feeling downright shaken and kind of sad, the sunny day a little less bright for the interaction I’d just had.  I can never know what their true intent was, but if it was to take some pleasure away from the non-believer, I guess it worked.  It doesn’t convert me to their faith, it doesn’t do more than make me frown for a few moments, but it does have a tiny impact and creates a lasting memory of their Scrooge-ness.

However, no matter what you celebrate (if anything at all) I hope your season is merry and bright!  Let the sullen be sulky and find joy with whatever makes you happy!  Take a moment to take that deep breath and soak it all in!

Happy Holidays!

I’m getting super spoiled.  My work has provided us a coffee shop on the property, and I’m there every morning.

Usually they know my order as I walk in the door – iced caramel latte.  But this week they introduced a new house-made peppermint syrup.  Due to the cold weather I’ve been having this in delicious hot lattes.  But today they also broke out their special peppermint marshmallows.

I love high end quality marshmallows, anyway.  But I never thought to have them in coffee.  Oh man, how short sighted I was!

I still need to figure out how to order the special kitty shaped marshmallows from Japan.  And figure out how to get the ever so delicious marshmallows the chocolate booth at Faire had (a booth that was not at Southern Faire last year, so is likely not going to be back again this next year).

I can vividly remember when I lived in Fullerton and was home alone, needing to get something for dinner.  Because I had recently had major dental work, this was a little bit challenging, but I remember that in my work bag was a ziploc bag of mini marshmallows.  Thinking these would tide me over until I decided what I was going to eat for real.

This was a mistake!  Why?  Because I was so lazy and felt so good after snacking on the marshmallows, that I didn’t get moving right away.  So about an hour or two later I felt this lethargy and weight settling into my limbs.  Never before had I really consciously experienced a sugar crash, but 100% that was what it was – and there was nothing that was going to peel me off that couch!  Not even the temptation of real food, which I needed badly.

Blue Valkyrie needed food badly.  Blue Valkyrie was about to die (not really – this is a Gauntlet reference).

Blue Valkyrie didn’t eat anything but marshmallows that night… oops.

But still I love them so!

Ever feel like you’re throwing your money down a hole?  Be it the clunker car that just HAS to get you to work, or the home repairs that keep creeping up – Cards against Humanity has a solution…

Well, solution in that you can put your money more literally into a hole:

https://holidayhole.com/

That’s right, as long as the funds keep coming in, they will keep digging that delightful hole.  Why?  No reason.  Just a hole in the ground.

I’ve been watching this on and off since yesterday morning, and honestly I don’t entirely understand why, but I don’t think I could be more delighted!

The most American holiday – Thanksgiving!  We celebrate running roughshod over the native peoples by over eating and crass consumerism, very much a snapshot of much of the American condition, right?

Still, taking the time to appreciate the things we have, that’s something worth taking time for.  Even if the original auspices and current modus operandi are less than admirable, make sure to take that space and time to reflect on the good that you have, as well as looking forward to the good things you are pursuing.

I have a career.  Not a job, but a path that could lead to something I love, and is already something I enjoy.  I’m a communicator, a wordsmith. This blog is part of my development on that front, I keep exercising my wordcraft here.

That means that I’m also thankful for you!  Yes, by putting your eyes on this experiment, you keep me motivated to keep trying to improve my writing.  I hope you get some information, enjoyment, or insight here once in a while.  Even better, if I can provide all three!

My family – immediate and extended.  My husband and my kitty Pixie are that immediate family that I come home to every day, they help me through the stressful times (and cause stress of their own at times – especially Pixie!) and for that I value them more than I could put into words.

My network, my people, friends and more.  The time in the hospital made me realize how strong my group of people that support me really are.  I’ve leaned on you before, but this year had some extra challenges and every single time there was someone to step up.  Just trying to write about it brings tears to my eyes.  Catching up in person is a priority, because I realize how much I need these people in my life, and how grateful I am for everything they make my life into.  We are defined by the company we keep, so that means I am pretty bad ass.

Hobbies help me define who I am outside of my career, so I am thankful for the release I get from and the social aspects of gaming, historical reenactment, and my geek communities!  We’re finally the cool kids!

That’s just a small cross section of things I wanted to cry from the rooftops about.

I have bipolar disorder.  When I’m depressed I draw in, shut down, and don’t function well.  This is noticeable, this causes people to provide support and watch out for dangerous symptoms.

On the other hand, mania is a whirlwind of a time!  Money comes, money goes – who cares if I spend it?  Especially if it’s on someone else, because that’s awesome for everyone.  I’m up, I’m energetic, I’m bright.  It’s a fun, adventurous time.  Actions don’t have consequences when I’m manic, so let the good times roll.

So why would people worry, I’m obviously feeling good, right?

Mania can be just as dangerous.  What to do when you can’t pay the rent because “Money comes, money goes” led to massive over-spending?  Those consequences you forget about come home to roost some time.  Eventually your health can and will suffer from that lack of sleep and crazy hours.  Keep a job, keep a schedule, keep anything resembling a normal life when you’re manic?  Yeah, right.  I could go on for days about the after-effects, or the current impact, of a manic cycle but I trust you get the point.  It’s never the sweetness and light that it seems in the moment.

Sure, it felt good at the time, but it can really lead to some dangerous behavior, and people don’t know how to watch for it or recognize it as wrong like they do with depression.  So there’s a danger equal to that of suicidal depression, that masquerades as a great sensation so it gets a free pass as it’s happening.  There’s nothing that generally seems “wrong” during a mania phase, so why would you reach out for help?  There’s no hotline to help, nobody’s going to call you out about it usually, and even if they do what’s the harm in ignoring their advice?

I’m very lucky – I’ve found meds that generally keep it in check, I have a support network that knows how to identify the wrongness and help me deal, and I’ve learned to spot the symptoms and realize something isn’t normal.  But that took many years and some bad circumstances, situations I never want to find myself in again.

Bipolar isn’t just depression, the pendulum swings both ways, and both cut deeply.

Some days, no matter how busy you are, you need to take time for the awesome things in life.

For me, that was a coffee tasting today!  We smelled the grounds, then added the hot water and waited and few minutes for new smells to develop.  After removing the grounds we did our taste testing.  Turns out my favorite was a warm and slightly fruity Ethiopian bean that they use for pour overs, which I’ve never indulged in but I think I have to give a try to now.  The espresso mix was high on my list – strangely it was my three least favorite beans, but all together made my favorite coffee.

Sometimes you can take that which is not good to you, mix it all up, and find something new and wonderful!