The second law of thermodynamics states “The entropy of any isolated system always increases.”
I am a procrastinating planner. I’ve left so many things to last minute that unless you have pre-scheduled time, I can’t really do things spontaneously. This means if I do have you locked in as plans, they are Plans. I actually need to get better at last minute, spontaneous stuff.
A friend called out last week for help moving stuff this weekend. Since there were no Plans, I committed to it. Then waited for details.
No answer except a hurried “Things are up in the air,” yesterday mid-morning. And then radio silence.
So when I woke up this morning to find the whole thing had been postponed at least one weekend (to a tentative date where other Plans exist) as of 11 pm last night, I no longer had Plans. Because of the weirdness of my brainspace, this was not a good scenario. You see, I can enjoy unplanned free form relax time, sure! Who doesn’t! I just need to Plan to have unplanned free form time. That’s right, I have to Plan not to Plan.
This is no besmirch on the person who needs to move – I know uncertainty frustrates her just as much as it does me. The issue is that I used to be SO flaky and free form, that only through Planning did I become a reliable adult. Which has become a rigid adult. In an increasingly enthropic world.
Is enthropic a real word? The online dictionary says it is entropic. So pretend I said that, instead.
Strangely, I’ve gotten better at work, usually, with this. Oh, you need a 6 pm meeting tomorrow? Well, that’s like notice, so I guess I’ll be there (or I’ll remote in). Meeting canceled, hey, I get my hour and a half back! I do try to keep firm boundries on some things – if I don’t get 24 hours notice and it takes me outside my usual work day I will probably offer to remote in or have decline the meeting. That’s because my home meals are planned at the beginning of the week around my planned work schedule, so there’s only so much I can flex and still be respectful to my partner.
But personal time – less than a week’s notice feels alien and takes me pushing boundaries to be okay. They are boundaries that need to be pushed, I need to find a middle ground, but I know that it feeds the brain weasels. Too much brain weasel feeding, and I can lose the ability to do everyday things, so it’s a careful line to walk.
Someday I think I need to write about the brain weasels, as well as Radio F-U. But that’s going to be a bit of a deep piece, so it’s going to take some time to get out. I appreciate the patience!