Healing is a slow, painful process. I can know this in my head, but my heart is so mad right now. Pain is a sign I am doing something wrong, right? So when I do nothing at all and still hurt, what do I do?
I realize it’s irrational. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating to know I am a “Handle With Care” package right now. I’m doing my best to recognize limits, but for someone competitive like me limits are often meant to be defied! The struggle is so real, because it’s my own existence that puts these limits in place.
Over all I have to keep focusing on the silver lining – I can find one anywhere, after all. So I’m alive, that’s pretty much a perk given the risks I was at before. We caught it in time to do something about it. I have a job that is understanding and letting me recover at my own pace. I have a spouse that has the bandwidth to be there, the patience to put up with my impatience with myself, and helps me understand myself better. I have many loved ones that are making for a strong support network. There’s plenty of good to be had.
So why am I still so mad at myself?